Being the Catalyst

Ah well it seems that everything is settling down the king and i is done and we had a wonderful time Lol i will never miss it lol and besides that the prom was great another fantastic moment that i would remember. i think those will the first things that comes into my mind when i look back at school, generally i might just be in tears when i look back. Hmm... its like the last year of schooling and after this we would all look back into the times spend together....




Well thats the fact of life.....

I realise one thing when i read literature especially Malaysian stories it really does give me a sense that everything that this people write is really relevant to life. Just yesterday i found out that my good friends dad just passed and way and its like you would come to a situation and think aren't you glad that your parents are still alive.


Life is like a brief candle- Shakespeare.


Anyway i am going to miss my friends especially people that i have met through out the years and the times we spend seems to be very meaningful to everyone. We do come to some point and make enemies but still in live its the challenges and the wishes that makes us go forward, even the people we spend together. Make a foot print in the lives of the people we meet and one day when we are gone from this earth who knows you might have made an impact in a life of a future leader.

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”  Eleanor Roosevelt quotes

The view that disturbs

Today i was on the bus heading towards QBM i noticed that the environment is starting to change as mankind is polluting it even further with the claiming of further land. I could just imagine how the lives of daily fishmen would be as they rely on the source of fishing. In near future when ever we would head to QBM there may not be a view of the sea but just high rised building covering the sea view.

Well when i was at church service today I didnt realise that i wore a pair of jeans which has stains on it and it was so dirty. I found out when my sis said why do you wear those jeans? really one didnt noticed it until you actually looked down. Lol~ but the lesson learned is that when i was in cooperate prayer the holy spirit spoke to me that God is the only one who can clean us and makes us pure because it is only him that would make a difference in our life and through his blood only then we can come before him with freedom and redemption

Silence or Loud for God?

Have you ever wondered is SILENCE really GOLD?

Well to the ear of a librarian or some folk who is stressed out. (especially teachers when they teach) but the thing is Are we SILENCE FOR Christ? Or are we Loud for Him? that is what i have learn today. The thing is sometimes we are too silent for Christ in a sense we are not telling the world about people ABOUT JESUS! (i admit i do have this problem as well) So the thing is either we can choose just to sit back and watch and do nothing or we can just show a gesture of love to those who really needs it!

Perhaps Love?

Hmmm.... L.O.V.E 
Well now of days we can read headlines of super stars especially, for one thing they have the cash and it seems "time" to be involve with one another then break up worse married less then an hour divorce (man that got to hurt) anyway it seems that love is just a game to most people where the odds are more partners the better.
(wrong?)
Today i hear news even of married wifes!!! (you heard me wifes) would even cheat on their husbands. some even cheats for the reason to be satisfied. To me love in the world seems to be so corrupted to the point of no return. The reality is that MAN does not equal to love, reason saying so because man is not perfect in the first place and that we are generally selfish and always self seeking that the term "love" can be just mere words spoken by a lover or a relative.

Hmm... Love was and is never blind from the beginning. I can that it does not mean that love will over look on weakness that one may have but love really means to protect and to CORRECT the problem if needed generally love is patience, kind, gentle, peace, goodness, does not envy and so on its from the bible which puts love in this category. so love is more then a feeling.

HOli moood

Ahh... Well the holidays are finally in but the intensity of the exams coming are not far and its really to say the exams are even more nearer then before. its like the blink of an eye the two weeks are gone. the mood of the holidays.... :) wishing everyone happy holidays!

The test results are out and mostly i can see is that i have alot of things to make touch up if i really want to score in my exams. Anyway its been great living the new life God has given me. Even though i still need to improve in certain areas for example my speech. Which i discover can be my greatest weakness because the things i say may really hurt someone. Somethings are really meant to be keep as a secret. (i got scold for that)

Anyway today i will be participating in a debate about the realness of reality shows. Hmm.... Well thats something to debate about really.. :p the title for the debate is Reality shows should be shown to all viewers. my group is against it to be honest its easier to win it if we are against it. Heh! ^^

Well i hope to see that today would be a good day and that i would enjoy the last two days before the holidays that is the mid-term holidays 2 weeks. of self studying really now how can we have a group study when there is only one person who is willing to study. There are many out there but sometimes its hard to ask them out. some are just pure laziness lol. Well wish me the best as i am going to be in the debate

The Last Ice-Cream

Today i experience a breakthrough in terms of Freedom that really i never felt before, it felt as if my burdens has all been lifted up from my shoulders. Well after a decent talk with TH, somehow i felt the relief to know that i can return back to my spiritual home land while i go out and explore the new land.

Today was the first day being at GBC youth service. It was really a while since i been there and really have met a lot of old friends and hope to make new ones as i join this church. Well it does take time to assimilate into a new church but God speak to me even through the worship and through the word that was shared. i did enjoyed myself today even though it was short. The speaker was sharing about the life Elijah and his ministry the thing that caught my eye was that God was always sustaining him and through it all, God never left him or even ABANDON him. It relates to me as i believe this might be the time to be in the cave to take refuge, or re-encountering God.

I hope that through this I would be revived into something better i believe God has his plan for me to grow in him. So i pray that he will bless me and direct me as each time i discover something new about him. Thank God!

The mid term is finally over

YAY! the Exams are finally over now is the last part that is STPM!! The scarier one lol not going to be easy but i have to work hard for it! From now on i have to be diligent with my studies.

The freedom is near but the work is yet to finish there is alot of thing to do now because the play is coming up very soon and there are things which are yet to be discovered. its interesting to note how we humans has a way with living our life. Which i believe its true when one say without God there is no reason for our existence if you think about it. Really then what is our purpose then just to live, reproduce and die? The uniques of our very existence really makes a big impact in our live.

Think for a sec and realise that the coffee on the table was made for us to gain the caffeine that stimulates the adrenaline in us.

Dead and Gone

Sometimes i do struggle with myself knowing that What is right and what is wrong. Thats a fact but the thing is sometimes i wonder if i ever made the right decisions?

Well life seems to be filled with decisions that can either break us or make us.

The right ones does many things in our lives. Even never underestimate the small decisions we make it can be a huge impact to someones life the thing is life is really short to say that precaution is everything.

I realise one thing when i read Jane Eyre is that we got to be strong with ourselves and know what we really want. Knowing that what we believe in is the thing that will make us stronger. Knowing our weakness makes us know more that we are less then God we mere mortals.

Well thats life for us.

Back to what i want to say, My exams are almost over and i could scream if i can. At least the hard parts most of it has gone. Now i got to do some drilling with myself and more self discipline lol. (that is something i am lacking of currently)

We can say that Rochester is a robust man and has good features while yet he misses the point of life he has been with many women and traveled many places but it seems that he has been missing something something he is looking for to fulfill this need.

In a way almost all of us can relate to Jane Eyre honestly haha. 

Cant you smell the FREEDOM!

Exams Kills

Dont you agree with me when one says that EXAMS Do really bring Stress and emotional and mental stress. Some stress is good for the body if properly controlled that is. Now i am having my Mid-term exams and i could feel the pressure of taking the exams. Anyway i am also depress about a decision that i dont know if i should make because it will determine my future spiritual growth that is stagnant and would determine where i will grow. the thing is I am disturbed by that fact that i have to face it.... 

Chewing Gum and Dirty Minded

Someone once asked me if i was dirty minded. Any my answer would be Yes but the thing is girls Chew Gum! the thing is we are humans and the problem is that we have habits lol. And the thing is sometimes this things may seem harmless or nothing its all my own but it actually does corrupt our mind. So think first before doing something which seems harmless because in the bible said everything is permissible but not everything is BENEFITIAL

Ahh... the simple kuih lapis (layer cake) its something to eat delicately. Its like a person who has many layers in his/her life.

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of my exams and i am going to SUFFFEEER!!! its because its PP1... well i dont find it easy compare to the other subs. It something that some people find it easy because its just memorizing. Well for me memorizing is not easy LOL. (weak memo power) but i find myself doing the math prob a bit easier compare to the memo thing. Well its depends on the abilities of the person

P.S I love you

Well as i watch the movie P.S. I love you, truly it is a sweet story. To be honest sometimes in life when we truly love someone we would really want to be with them and never leave their side, then when we are married with that person it shows that we are devoted to that person but suddenly that person just died all of the sudden. It truly feels like a missing limb, the thing is that when we meet the right person in life and with the blessing of God, its truly hard to imagine the person not being there. We are often haunted by their presence and end of the day we would feel lonely and lost in grieving.
The show does poses a point that the little things that we do does make an impact into the life of the one we leave behind when we die. Sometimes its the small little letters make us feel that the person is still around

Many times love seems to be just something that we take for granted. Even the simple words as "I love you". Sometimes we dont realise that even the most simplest letter makes it a day for the person we love. Truly it   brings out the nostalgic feeling in us especially when we are still studying or working. End of the day is how we see it. Well God always leaves His letter in everyone of us He does send His letter to us everyday its whether we see it or not. His letter comes in many forms through people or through is word. It reminds us that he loves us. Like Gerry in the movie God uses the letters to show us a direction to show us who we are and what we are here for.

Blogging

Dont you sometimes wish that there would a button to click "Dislike" in facebook then "Like" or the button that says "Life is easy". with the click of a button suddenly everything changed to from the bad to the good. Well i as i read The spirit of the Keris especially arrival which always remind me of the diverse race that we live in and that the goodness of it all is that we dont get into much problem now of days.

 I really do see we have one life and life that we live would determine who will turn up to our funeral and end of the day those who are close to you will remember the things you have done. I like what my shepherd would say "two ways you can live your life, one is your tombstone would just have your name, and DOD. while the other one is Your name and the list of things you have done". thats really words of wisdom to those who want themselves to be remembered by many not just because we are famous but it is because we have left an impact into the lives of people we meet. End of the day true friends are the ones that we have to rely on  when times are hard and painful.

 

Something practical

Today i learn how to manage my money and truly i need to do it. I believe God is molding me into a person who is more wise and knowing to manage my things. The thing is I  dont really know how to do it.. Rm3 a day would be hard. It seems impossible and its going to be so intense actually. But some how i am excited about it.

The exams are coming up soon one more week to go and its already almost the half mark till my real exam.
As i was reading poems and stories in the book call Spirit of the Keris i find myself realising the importance of cultural acceptance among the people.

The thing is that something things happen for a reason that only God knows and we dont. Sometimes i do admire the ability of those who are able to write poems and stories which depicts a life that happened and has passed. A history that seems to be based on identity there is really a need for the purpose of humans being here on earth.

Things to evaluate

The things i have done the past quarter:
1. i may have speak without thinking.
2. I have burned out by not allowing God to give me strength
3. i didnt manage my time
4. the symptoms are showing that i am cracking down
5. stressing out
6. gaining weight

Steps i need to take
1. reorganise my time
2. finding a suitable place to study at least
3. my house is too hot to study so need to go mcd or something like that
4. giving statements which does not offend ppl unless its the truth.
5. train my sheeps to be more practical with the word of God
6. making it through with God

Now of days i really see that i have burned out (blown a fuse) the tiredness is really killing my spiritual life and sins in my life still there and i need to take control of myself if not i would eventually die spiritually. I need to work harder. Just today after cg we gone out to visit certain parents for parents day. Joyce spoke to my about my spiritual health. And what she said is very practical and real. sometimes its really true desperation that makes us realise that God is the one we need

The cracks and puzzles of the play

My Life seems to be disturbed by the facts of life. Lol well it can be said that the play really have a cracking effect upon everyone including the teacher and the students. I do wonder how do they do it? first of all in PFS the actors/actresses already are having problem with relation towards one another and also some tension between most of them but they are willing to put it a side (some of them dont) its hard to see play if the play could really fly or crash burned.

To be honest i dont know what to think. will it succeed through all this problems and circumstances it is put into? Truly there are lessons to be learned from all this. Even now the committee's are fighting, with the teacher and the director. Well to be said if u dont do your job why should u get it? There are things which i find very surprising actually and characters will be revealed. the true colours of people.

Hmm... But the thing i observed is that THE WORLD IS filled with pain and horror there is truly no way we can find real peace without God

Life....

Dear Journal,
Why does it seems so endless. Why doesnt God answer my prayers? Has he forsaken me? or has He forgotten about me? it cant be because I believe in His word that he hasn't if he did i would be already dead.

I dont know what to say about the life i am in right now about the sins in my life truly its sometimes hard to realise that the reality of it that i have anger that leads to pain and guilty suffering. and really certain things in my life seems to desolated and hopeless but still God is bring me forward. i wish i could come out from the wandering into the desert out that into the promise land that He has promised me.

What am i to God? really think about it and see that he is true to most of us. Expectations that he has for us is beyond my own understanding. What is really his plans for me after all? I cant really see the full picture of it all yet to be honest its like burning in my mind on what is the reason i am created to be? am i here just for nothing?

The question still remains but gladly God is always in the picture in everything.

Why?

Life is so tortured by the fact that i cant even do the most simple job and its like bring me to the point where i need to trust in God more. The thing is that I need to discipline my self more and be more diligent in the thing that i do.
I find myself becoming more lazier then before. So i need to buck up in order that i can improve in my studies because my results were really horrible this time round. The thing that God has been speaking to me is about my spiritual life is it dry and weary or my flame for God has gone? who is my Father?
i need the fire for the youth once again......

God please help me....

Revived

Its a dead blog almost dead because hadn't the time to updated it.

anyway the test has already been out and the results i got was horrible i tell you. IT WAS HORRIBLE~

In terms that i didn't really study much for this exam thats why. Well planning to put more efforts for the upcoming exams and aiming for something higher is not impossible because its not. It's the matter of work.

The thing is that sometimes challenges that I face in life....

Is the thing that changes my life into more like a man and more firm in the things that I decide to do. Got to work hard and ALWAYS trust in God. Amen.

O that this too too sullied flesh would melt,
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew,
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter.  O God!  God!
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
-Hamlet-